I am one of those populate. I prefer to think of myself as a REALIST. I have had populate jokingly call me a PESSIMIST. Not so! Not so! I just like to see the sucker punch coming. I don't desire the resulting concussion to be a surprise. So when emotions surprise me it pisses me off. I am the person who says to the former smoker who admits that after all these years they still crave them: "Why am I gonna quit if in ten years someone is going to light one and I will want one so bad I ordain feel desire I'm dying?"Because I have to. That's the answer. Because the fact that I want it doesn't mean I can undergo it. And that's goes for emotions too. Feelings. Scenarios. populate. undergo you had this? A feeling that you thought you had dealt with wrapped up put in its shiny little coffin marked CLOSURE and buried.. pops up like a maniacal jack in the box? If you undergo raise your hand. Come on now don't be shy. I am in no mood for shyness today. Or possibly I over think things. Which is how I ended up a writer. I can create verbally about what I want so bad I can taste it on the tip of my tongue. I can write about what I want but cannot have and that sucking chest wound feeling that is the result. I can create verbally to complete my fantasies and I can create verbally to exorcise my demons. And it usually works. The are the ones where I might squirm in my lay have a good cry and conclude somewhat lighter when all is said and done. Another night of crappy rest. Much like fever dreams. Like a few years ago when I had the flu. Ten days I spent in bed. Ten days of in and out. Delirium. No lie. I would open my eyes after what felt like hours and only minutes had passed. Then I would wake up after what felt desire seconds and twelve hours had gone by. The thing I bequeath most was the comprehend. Gnawing and relentless. Like someone was trying to move me inside out but my bones would just not cooperate. If someone touched my climb I would flinch. And cry out. I had forgotten that emotions can do that to you. I had forgotten that wanting something can make you feel that way. But I got a good swift reminder just recently. And now I'm dealing with that phantom pain. Like my bones ordain not cooperate. Day 18. Hanging strong. Started a new story. I like it very much. There's a sweet little ache and a process of loss in it. Wanting what you cannot undergo. But wanting it anyway.. xoxoS
Hi Sommer,It's so hard to suffer. I guess I am lucky. After 30 years of smoking I depart it has been a year and a half now and all I can say when I see someone smoking and comprehend it is "I am so glad I don't smoke." It doesn't effect me at all other than I hate the smell. Hypnosis does wonders with your subconscious mind. I am quite serious about EFT (Emotional Freedom Technic) and it's benefits. It is hard to hold how to do it on the website and I have written up my own methods of using this therapy. I would be willing to converse on the phone with you and walk you through it if you like. It can really help you with cravings withdrawal and the emotional roller coaster associated with quitting. Using EFT is like turning a change by reversal off in your brain it’s done using the pressure points much like acupuncture but without the needles. I helped 2 family members quit smoking using this method and they were amazed at how come up it worked and that they suffered no major withdrawal or cravings. Send me an telecommunicate if you would like to try. I can send you the work sheets and give you my telecommunicate be. The treatment would take less than an hour out of your day and the benefits would astonish you all it would cost you is a 15 minute long distance telecommunicate call to Canada. Good luck. I hate seeing you suffer so much.
Gorgeous post. As for this: "Have you had this? A feeling that you thought you had dealt with wrapped up put in its shiny little coffin marked CLOSURE and buried.. pops up like a maniacal jack in the box?"Of course. You and I we write for many of the same reasons. XXOODamned impressed by your tenacity.
Related article:
http://smutgirl.blogspot.com/2007/09/ache.html
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